Ignorance is bliss?

I have friends who have kids with special needs and their approach is to dive in and research as much as possible. But for me it is different. Sometimes I feel like knowing more is bad for me. I get emotionally overwhelmed by knowing more. I feel like I educate myself to the bare minimum. My head is not in a hole, I am fully aware of what is going on in my home. But sometimes it feels like more than I can handle to have a bunch of information.

Having said all that, I recently picked up a book. The Bipolar Child
It's been depressing to read. But good information. Chris and I have been reading it together and we have so deeply identified with much that is in the book. We are still coming to grips with the fact that Cole is bipolar and that this is forever. I get upset or emotional about it - Cole doesn't understand why. I don't want him to feel bad about being bipolar. It's not his fault and other than not having him, it is not something we could have avoided.

Its been painful over the years watching people struggle with him. When you see the people you love the most get so frustrated or angry with your child, it wounds deeply. I've given up friendships because people did not understand my life or my child. Again this goes back to the walls that I have formed around me and my little family to protect us. It's amazing the lack of compassion some people have. Sometimes it just feels safer to have less people in our life than to be subjected to the judgement of people who just don't understand.

Since his diagnosis, the changes in his medication, therapy - life is smoother than it was before. There is less turmoil at home. Though there are days, but not as many as there use to be. Yesterday was a bad day. An epic battle ensued over folding laundry. He raged for over an hour. I eventually just retreated to my bedroom. I needed a time out. He is like a storm...it eventually passes, but it is miserable while it is happening.

But today he is happy as can be, watching Scooby Doo with his brother while looking at Garfield books.

I feel like I should try a little harder at educating myself and I will within reason. But don't expect me to join a support group or march for the cause.